Writing and Editing for Audio Releases©

Introduction

Since 2017, I have edited well over fifteen hundred books for Michael Anderle, arguably one of the publishing industry’s most successful indie authors, and most of LMBPN’s other collaborators. I developed this guide because the editing team still encounters the below situations in most of the MS we receive. That results in us cutting words the author was paid to write or slaved over, which is a lose-lose situation for authors and LMBPN alike.

I hope you can use what follows to sharpen your prose and make the editing process smoother, which is a win for authors and editors alike. More involved editing might delay publication, which is neither good for the author nor the publishing house. Everyone wants to make money faster.

Since almost all of LMBPN’s books go to audio, tight, fast-paced writing is essential to hold readers’ attention. We don’t publish great literature. We publish action-heavy struggle-for-justice tomes we hope will keep our readers turning pages well into the night.

To do that, you need to keep it moving. You also have to keep it simple since readers can’t flip back a page to see what you really meant. I always tell people to write so someone in the middle of a traffic jam with blaring horns can follow your story.

I listen to audiobooks every night, and one of my biggest pet peeves is hearing narrators mutter “he said” at the end of a sentence because no one cleaned up the book before it was recorded. It is not white noise, as so many people assert. It tells me someone didn’t do their homework on preparing your book for audio. You can do and be better than that!

That said, I listened to a book last night that used several of the constructions I rail against (😊) below, notably “reached out and touched” (I still assert touched includes reached out) and “gave him a smile.” My husband the author says he uses the latter because using “he smiled” all the time gets old. I countered that no one should be repeating actions/quirks (e.g., scratched the back of his neck) often enough for it to get old!

If you choose to use extra words, moderation, moderation, moderation (see what I did there?). Also, author husband reminded me that to break the rules, you should know them. A good reference is an early version of Strunk and White’s Elements of Style, second edition. The later ones are not as good. Available free all over the internet in .pdf form and here.

Caveat: Almost anything goes in dialogue since people speak many ways. I almost never edit dialogue, and certainly not colloquialisms, unless there is a missing word or a typo. That said, all the words you write should have a purpose, and monologuing gets old fast. You still need to hold readers’ attention, so short and sweet is better.

If you have any questions or see something that needs to be corrected, please reach out to Tracey Byrnes, the team lead, or me (the former team lead) on LMBPN Slack. If you’re not with LMBPN or on its Slack, hit us up on Facebook. You can also reach out via the admin team on the LMBPN FB page, and they will get your message to us. The documents I refer to below are part of the resource materials our company uses to train new editors and were also made available during the editing bootcamp sessions Tracey and I presented at 20Books Las Vegas in 2021 and 2022, so we will be happy to send them to you.

Thank you for being willing to listen and possibly learn!

Legend:

Issue, followed by
E.g., example and
S/b, how the sentence should appear
Italics = examples
Strikethrough = words to delete
Underlined = incorrect words or tenses

Deletions

Eliminate 99% of adverbs and quantifiers
Utterly, actually, purely, softly, slightly, pretty, a little, a bit, at all, after all, a touch, several (use several instead), to be honest, Well (to start sentences), Sure (to start sentences), So (to start sentences), now, already, always, for a moment, etc. Very rarely, we leave them, but most are deleted with a global. See Worry Words document
E.g., “As for what brings me here... well, I’m just passing through, actually."
S/b “As for what brings me here, I’m just passing through.”
Cut dialogue verbs of any form, like muttered, replied, whispered, etc. when we know who is speaking, and always in the middle of dialogue. See Dances with Dialogue document. ALWAYS replace said with a suitable dialogue verb that actually adds something, like grumbled or hissed. Two-three saids per document, if that.
E.g., "Lord Taraskharn." he said, clinking his mug against mine in an impromptu toast.
S/b “Lord Taraskharn." He clinked his mug against mine in an impromptu toast.
E.g., "That’s troubling," I muttered, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
S/b "That’s troubling." I chewed the inside of my cheek.
Cut all dialogue tags in the middle of dialogue. Not required.
E.g., "You did the right thing by calling your father," I told him softly. "That was brave."
S/b "You did the right thing by calling your father. That was brave."
Get rid of descriptive comments. One emotion, or leave them all out.
E.g., He snorted in a mix of whatever and whatever.
S/b He snorted.
Do not use tried to, started to, began to, etc. (unless another character shoots the first person before they complete the action).
E.g., He started to look away.
S/b He looked away.
E.g., He tried to wave that off.
S/b He waved that off.
You don’t rub at things, just rub
E.g., He rubbed at his eyes
S/b He rubbed his eyes

Replacements and Cautions

Active voice, not passive
“Is going to” and similar constructions should be would or could in narrative. We correct those. Don’t use three words when you need one. Speakers can use them in dialogue, but not educated speakers.
“I’ve got” = “I have” in dialogue if speaker is educated, and always in narrative. If speaker is uneducated, it’s almost always “I got” anyway.
People don't need to see, hear, feel, know, find, etc. Delete and continue with narrative.
E.g., I knew that was how she...
S/b That was how she...
E.g., I found myself in the woods
S/b I was in the woods
E.g., I felt a slight cringe. (Real sentence! I don’t make these up!)
S/b I cringed.
Don’t start sentences with But or And or Meanwhile or Instead, etc. (Fine in dialogue)
No double verb constructs (and get rid of felt, as above ^^).
E.g., I felt a flash of adrenaline surge through my veins
S/b Adrenaline surged through my veins.
Do not use -ing construct after comma if actions cannot take place simultaneously (see document Avoiding the P-cubed Trap).
E.g., Kneeling, she walked across the room.
S/b She walked across the room and knelt.
E.g., Marilise arrived as I grabbed my pack, handing me a small bundle of bread and cheese wrapped in cloth. She offered it with a timid smile.
S/b Marilise arrived as I grabbed my pack and handed me a small bundle of bread and cheese wrapped in cloth with a timid smile.
Terminate sentence before non-dialogue verbs, aka smiled, sighed, etc. Only verbs that produce words follow dialogue after comma.
Show, don’t tell. The subsequent words will inform the reader. Don’t tell them what the character is doing. If the words don’t, that’s a problem.
E.g., I stood, intending to ease her distress. "You saved yourselves. I only finished one part."
S/b I stood. "You saved yourselves. I only finished one part."
Nod and point at things, not toward them.
Be careful of continuity.
E.g., I had set out at early light. (What is early light? Common expression is first light, or just early.) In this case, the morning light woke him, and he hung around the forge while his blades were sharpened. Cannot be true that he left at first light.
E.g., The smoke from cooking fires drifted in the air, making my stomach protest its emptiness. In this case, the people at the farm fed him stew and bread before he left, and the town wasn’t far away.
Less wordy is better.
E.g., The conversation weighed on me in a prickly way. It hinted at a changing landscape in Velstyn, one that might mean more strangers like me were needed. I felt a pang of responsibility, though I had no formal ties to these people. Something about stepping up to help them felt right, and not just because they fed me stew and poured ale. Although, to be honest, it didn’t hurt.
S/b The conversation hinted at a changing landscape in Velstyn that meant more strangers like me would be needed. I felt responsible, though I had no ties to these people. Stepping up to help felt right, and not just because they had fed me stew and ale, though it didn’t hurt.
Use After to indicate a subsequent action, not Once
E.g., Once she returned…
S/b After she returned…
Don’t use from when you mean out of.
E.g., pulling a caltrop from the other…
S/b pulling a caltrop out of the other…
Don’t pose and manipulate your characters unless it is integral to the action in the scene. The actions required to get them into position are contained in the verb.
E.g., She reached out to touch
S/b She touched
E.g., She turned to look at me.
S/b She looked at me.
Consider the meaning of the words you use, not just for adjectives but for verbs and nouns. Think of Inigo Montoya (Princess Bride). I quote him in exasperation as I edit…a lot. (for those who have been on Mars, the quote is “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
E.g., she relayed in a hushed whisper (or murmur)
Murmurs and whispers are by definition spoken at low volume, so hushed is redundant.
AI fave words/phrases du jour. Get rid of most of these. Moderation! (I just removed over two hundred instances of the words faint and faintly in a MS. I left four. Similar numbers for soft/softly and gentle/gently).
Gentle/gently/softly/quietly/delicate/delicately/faint/faintly
Swirl
a mix of
half step, half-lidded, half-everything
hush/hushed (usually silence instead)
makeshift
appeared to be/looked to be/seemed
each of/both/of them
entire (a particular favorite)
pressed
a wave of
proper/properly
constant physical descriptions (tall frame, jade eyes, lean muscles, etc.)
let’s admit, I admit, etc.
Together, we…
modest
under his/her breath (sound qualifier)
mostly to myself (sound qualifier)
shape or form or figure rather than body when really nothing is required
sheen of sweat on her brow

Miscellaneous

Watch your tenses, especially in dialogue. Don’t use present perfect (I have known) when simple present (knew) is correct, and use past perfect (had completed), not past (completed) when the action is over.
E.g., I’ve known one idiot who put himself on fire for doing stupid shit and not being careful with it after
S/b I knew one idiot who set himself on fire by not being careful.
E.g., …and not just because they fed me stew
S/b …and not just because they had fed me stew
No space after ellipsis unless next word is a new sentence. Also, do not use ellipsis in lieu of periods. Do not use at end of sentence if next person interrupts. Use em-dash.
People don’t trail off, voices do.
E.g., She trailed off, wiping her eyes.
S/b Her voice trailed off, and she wiped her eyes.
Body parts do not take actions.
E.g., My eyes scanned or My hand clutched
S/b I scanned or I clutched
E.g., His eyes darted around, as if unable to accept that I was outmaneuvering him. (Eyes don’t think about outcomes)
S/b something like, He peered around as if unable to accept that I was outmaneuvering him.
People shouldn’t offer nods or give smiles or shoot people grins. They nod or smile or grin. No extra words needed. Also, if someone shakes their head or nods, No or Yes in the following dialogue is redundant and will be deleted.
You don’t have to stand up (only down), climb up stairs, melt away, or other redundancies. Do not add a direction unless it’s not the standard one. Also, people fly back in fights, not backward, and since flying is always through the air (unless they’re in water), no need to add the phrase.
Keep the action moving. People can’t try to figure out what you’re saying when they listen to audio since they can’t page back. Don’t make sentences complicated.
E.g., I set my boots on the dirt path heading away from the Brandson farm. I directed myself toward Eldersbrook, not once looking back.
S/b I set my boots on the dirt path toward Eldersbrook and didn’t look back.
The Oxford comma exists for clarity, so please use it. If you're part of or considering submitting to LMBPN, it's our house style.
Don’t add words/phrases without intending them for emphasis. Possible rule: if you aren’t putting the “I” or “He” or “Janet” in italics for emphasis, this is wrong.
E.g.:
I was the one who (generally just I)
I paused at the sight of (when I saw)
He didn’t hesitate (before taking an action, then launches into the action) (delete)
I caught a glimpse of (unless the character has to take action because of it) (I saw, unless it was from the corner of his eye)
…grabbed hold of his wrist = grabbed his wrist
(whatever) in the first place (in dialogue, yes. In narrative, not required)
I murmured in a hushed voice (murmur = hushed, so redundant)
Several of them stumbled
More to (whatever) than anything else (just say what it is)
…what seemed to be/looked like (just state what it is unless there is a compelling reason)
Fix comma splices (separate sentences joined by a comma rather than a conjunction (and/or)). Either separate with a period or add “and” or “or” or split into two sentences—whichever is appropriate.
E.g., Nyxara towered near the door, lean muscles visible beneath her short-sleeved tunic, her dark elf heritage obvious in the deep lilac shade of her skin.
S/b Nyxara towered near the door, lean muscles visible beneath her short-sleeved tunic. Her dark elf heritage was obvious from the deep lilac shade of her skin.
E.g., Up close, I noticed the sweat on her collarbone, the way her chest rose and fell with each breath.
S/b Up close, I noticed the sweat on her collarbone and the way her chest rose and fell with each breath.
Arms don’t have to be crossed over chest and people don’t have to shrug their shoulders or nod their heads. What other body part operates that way (if you’re not Miley Cyrus)? Redundant.
Shoes don’t clack against the floor but on it. You also don’t fight against people, you just fight people. Also, don’t exchange in and on. Use the correct preposition.

Final Words of Advice

Run AutoCrit or a similar program to weed out repeated words and phrases.
Run Grammarly (free version) or ProWritingAid, which are not always right but help catch oopses
ALWAYS RUN SPELLING and GRAMMAR check before you turn in a MS.

Our editing team’s last advice is to set your MS aside and revisit it days or weeks (if necessary) later to go through all this ^^. People get blind to their words, so don’t assume your first draft is your best work, which is the version you want published.

Do yourself justice by refining your work and submitting the best MS you can. If you don’t, your editors will need to work harder, and you might not like their revisions. (For our authors, we will make changes even after their acceptance pass if they didn’t correct some salient point we brought up). We won’t let our readers down.

Remember, you don’t get published until the editing is done too, and it goes a lot faster if you polish your work.