So Many Thoughts…

The past few months have been quite a roller coaster ride—hectic, rewarding, scary, you name it—they’ve been filled with one thing after another happening in rapid-fire fashion. Things to be thankful for. Things that make me sad. Things that make me so happy, I feel like I’m sitting on top of the world. Then there are the things that leave me very introspective and thinking hard about topics that normally lurk in the murkiest shadows of my mind.

Things I’m thankful for:

  • Having friends and family who are there, no questions asked, in times of laughter and tears alike
  • Spending more time with my grandfather before he passed away
  • Tackling some extremely difficult situations head-on, and coming through on the other side of them a stronger woman
  • The relationship I’m building with someone who’s become very special to me; who not only encourages me to reach for what I want and need but challenges me when I backslide into trying to take the “easy” route

Things that make me sad:

  • Taking so long to re-learn a very hard life lesson about being true to who I am
  • Short-changing myself in so many ways over the past years
  • The loss of loved ones
  • Being too busy to make the time to nurture some relationships the way I should have

Things that make me happy:

  • Friends, family, and the special man in my life
  • My rediscovered independence and self-confidence
  • The person I’m becoming
  • A better attitude and outlook on life
  • The willingness to take chances and live my life rather than be a spectator in it

Things that make me introspective:
(a.k.a. the well-buried thoughts that hide in the murkiest corners of my mind)

  • Fear
  • Self-judgement
  • The hopes and dreams that I’ve never really dared to reach for
  • The meaning of life, and my place within it

To be honest, I’m not sure I’ve dealt with it all as well as I would’ve liked. I look back and see so many things that have me saying “I should’ve done this…” but at the same time I look at where I am now, a little over a year after I decided to stop being a spectator in my own life, and see a great many more things that have me feeling good about how far I’ve come in my personal journey to becoming the person I want to be. There will be no resting on my personal laurels, though; onward to more challenges, changes and living is the directive I’ve given myself.

What about you? I’d love to hear your stories, so let me know where I can find them by leaving me a link to your post in the comments.