Wow, it’s been a while. A long, tumultuous, series of days/weeks/months where at times I had no idea if I was coming, going, or meeting myself somewhere in the middle of doing both. Probably that last one. Or as my friends would no doubt say (in exasperatedly concerned voices), definitely that last one. So much has happened in 2013 that my mind boggles just trying to think of it in some semblance of order.

I’ve spent much of this year still on my voyage of rediscovering – and in some cases reinventing – who I am as an individual. To say that some of the things I’ve learned about myself were eye-opening is an understatement. Some of what I learned was more of a reaffirmation of my core values. Other things were extended and more enlightened versions of my point of view on a variety of subjects and situations. Some things were surprising – and a few were downright life-altering.

Things I’ve Learned

• I don’t have to please everyone. In fact, I shouldn’t be trying to please everyone. That way lies the path to disaster. See the next reason for why…
• Be true to yourself and trust your gut. If something feels wrong, then there’s a pretty good chance that for you it is a wrong choice. Go digging for why, and then make your decision once you have some insight and answers.
• If you want others to accept you for who you are, you first have to accept yourself for who you are. Completely, totally, and without reservations or harsh, overly critical self-judgements. Trust me on this, folks, 99% of the time we’re our own worst critics. Yeah, I know – harsh. But true.
• Being single isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s quite empowering!
• Positive emotions can turn each and every one of us back into happy, silly, giggling kids. Embrace it. It’ll keep you feeling and looking younger than your actual age 😉
• Life is messy. Accept and learn to enjoy the chaos, because you’re only going to make yourself stressed out and miserable by trying to regulate it too tightly. Yes, fellow introverts, this goes for us as well. We can learn to do this.
• Accept and enjoy the love of friends, family and if you have one, your partner. Give your love to them unstintingly. It will come back to you threefold, especially when you need it most.
• Relationships come and go, and not everyone is who they present themselves to be. Enjoy the good moments for what they are, learn positive lessons from the bad moments (like what you don’t want next time), and toss any lingering resentments like three-week-old fried rice. It does you no good to hold on to them, and is just going to stink up your house if you do.
• Dare to make your deepest dreams and fantasies a reality. Legally, of course! You want to write a novel? Then by God, sit down and start writing! You want to try something new and kinky with your partner? Then by all means, discuss it with him/her and give it a go! Live your life, because the chances are pretty damn good that you’re only going to get one real shot at doing the things you want to do.
• Take chances and risks. I’m not saying bet your life savings on who’s going to win the Breeder’s Cup or Red 8 on the roulette wheel, but get out of the rut you’ve been existing in and shake the dust off your sense of adventure and opportunity.
• Be spontaneous. There’s a time and place for lists and plans, but stop letting them rule your life.
• Be fully present in the moment. Stop allowing the million-and-one little busy distractions we each create for ourselves to take your focus away from what’s going on, right now, around you. Yeah, I know, that’s a tough one. Do it anyway. You’ll thank yourself later, and others will probably thank you too, for the gift of your attention.

Life Is One Hell of a Learning Curve

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been less than successful at maintaining all of these things I’ve learned over the course of the year. But even when I fell down, and got away from some of these hard-learned lessons, I’ve somehow managed to find my way back to them – battered, bruised, often feeling like I’d just been through an industrial-grade cross-cut shredder – but increasingly finding it easier and easier to life my life in such a fashion that I’m happy more often than not. The difference has been markedly noticeable to both myself and everyone around me.

I’m not saying that I haven’t been stressed, exhausted, sick at heart, sometimes depressed, and often angry at circumstances – hey, I’m a human being, not a machine! But I’ve found that even in my “workaholic by necessity, not by choice” life of little sleep, long work hours between two jobs, endless miles of driving and months on end of working 7 days/week with no day off just to barely make ends meet, I’m still happier than I’ve been in years. Why? Because I choose to be. And because I have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m building myself back into a strong, independent and caring person who values the world and people around her, and takes the time to appreciate what’s good instead of just complaining about what’s wrong or bad. No, I haven’t given up griping – I’m no saint! LOL. But each time I catch myself going there, I now make an effort to find something good and/or funny about the situation to distract myself from the all-too-tempting rut of negativity. Yes, it’s work. It’s hard work – for a while. But it’s totally worth it.

What say you, readers? What have you learned – or wish you’d learned – over the course of 2013? I’d love to hear your stories.