Living by Your Gut Instincts

Ever get the feeling that you’re running faster and faster, careening along on the ragged edge of control, just trying to keep up with everything going on in your life? Uh-huh; that feeling. The one that makes your head spin and your adrenaline stay amped up to crazy levels as you try to process and deal with everything coming at you.

I don’t know about you, but the past month and a half has been like that for me. There’s so much going on that sometimes I can’t even begin to think coherently about what I need to do next—whether it’s cheer up my grandfather who is slowly but surely losing his fight against cancer; support my mom as she deals with the very real trauma of knowing she’s losing her father; work; be active on multiple social media platforms; or spend time nurturing my own developing relationship with someone I’ve met. To say that my head is often spinning like a top and I’m distracted far beyond my norm is no exaggeration! And while I’m not complaining (much) about it, I’ve come to the realization that I need to make some changes in how I deal with it all.

I don’t have a formal “plan” in place that gives me 3, or 5, or even 7 steps to follow. Nor am I looking for one. Instead, I’m working much more instinctively than that; at a gut level that often seems to defy logical thinking. Is it a perfect solution? No; nothing ever is. But what it is doing, is getting me back in touch with the instincts–which are often collected information that can only be accessed at a level well below that of conscious thought–which are my truest guide to making the decisions that I need to make.

It’s not always easy to live by the “trust your gut” method. Our conscious, supposedly rational mind loves to throw every possible “what if…”, “this isn’t…” and “OMG this is gonna be…” scenario at us that it can come up with. It’s even harder to try and regain your faith in those gut instincts when you’ve spent so many years overriding them. But for me, it’s something that I’ve got to do: there’ve been too many instances recently where it’s been proven to me that my gut was right and my head was wrong.

In the end, whether you live by your gut, your mind, or a combination of the two, it all comes down to living with the choices you made. And while it’s sometimes scary as hell, I’m going with my gut and choosing to fly. I may crash and burn; I may soar like an eagle; most likely it’ll be a combination of both. But come what may, I will have lived. And that, my friend, is the whole point of living by your gut: it takes you through so many more interesting journeys and experiences than the rational, doubting mind will ever allow.

So here’s to life and the living of it. Fly high; the journey and the experiences it will bring are never wasted.

October 2, 2012

On Living Life to Its Fullest

“Live life to its fullest.”

It’s a phrase we all say. Some manage to live up to it their entire lives. Others of us…well, we struggle with it. We get sidetracked by the sea of little details and crises happening in our daily lives, only occasionally experiencing the greater highs and lows, and lose our focus on the bigger picture. In short, we exist rather than truly living. Too often it takes a major scare (health, financial, etc.) for us to realize that we need to make a major change in our attitude toward living, like, RIGHT NOW.

I’ve been guilty of falling into that trap more than once. What I refuse to be guilty of, moving forward, is staying in it.

This isn’t a sudden decision. I’ve been actively working on living this way since the end of last year, when I started dealing with a great many major changes in my life. I’m taking chances on the unknown, trusting that I can handle whatever is thrown at me (good or bad). As a result I’m happier, less stressed, and enjoying my life in a way I hadn’t for longer than I’d truly realized. And it shows–in very visible ways–to those around me, as well as in how I see myself.

I don’t want my biggest regret to be never having had the guts to do the things I want to do, or experience all the fun and laughter that life and the special people within it can bring.

I’ve been recently reminded (in a very visceral manner) that life is too short not to seize every chance we have to make the most of our days. So while I sometimes face the future with a great deal of trepidation, I’m pushing forward to the things I know are out there waiting for me, if I just have the courage to reach for them.

“My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride”
lyrics quoted from “If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback

So grab your life and shake it by the horns, my friend; get everything out of it that you can. Experience the highs, the lows and everything in between so that when they finally write your epitaph, it doesn’t read “Never lived life to its fullest”.

Image courtesy of Flickr user IcyAero

April 26, 2012

Introspection and Feedback Loops

in·tro·spec·tion – noun – Observation or examination of one’s own mental and emotional state, mental processes, etc.; the act of looking within oneself.

Introspection is both good and bad. It’s good because it can show you a lot about yourself: the reasons you do and say the things you do. At the same time it’s bad, because most of us are our own worst critics. And for those who’re blessed/cursed with really good memory functions (yes, I’m raising my hand on this one), it’s often particularly harrowing to go inside yourself and lay bare your actions and emotions. It’s easy to get caught in an endless loop of “what if” and “why did/n’t I”…and can be very difficult to break out of.

I don’t have expensive letters after my name that qualify me to tell you how to deal with introspection and whatever effects it has on you. I’m not even going to give you a pop psych armchair version. Indeed, I’m in the middle of my personal introspective hell at the moment, and this is an attempt at breaking the feedback loop I’ve gotten myself into. If something resonates with you, great. If not, that’s OK too. To each their own.

Introspection and feedback loops
Over the years, introspection has shown me one of my biggest failings: I have an inordinately hard time forgiving myself for mistakes I make. I am MUCH harder on myself than anyone else is, and I don’t always rebound by focusing on the positive side of what I’ve learned from said mistakes. This is a huge problem…one I work on overcoming every. single. day. I have figured out that my perfectionist tendencies and my sense of self-worth are part of this tangled mess…which is a starting point, I guess, although definitely not a comfortable one. But then, my introspective moments are seldom about the easy stuff.

Breaking the loop: Reinforce the positive
I have taken away some positive realizations from my introspective moments; the kind that give me the warm fuzzies while making me feel truly humble at the same time.

I’ve been given opportunities to do things that are out of reach for many other people. Some instances that come readily to mind are working on race cars at local short tracks; starting to hone my musical talent and skills at a very young age; breaking into my current field of employment with absolutely no background in it whatsoever, but willing and eager to learn.

I’ve earned the friendship and caring of some wonderful people; the kind that even though you don’t see each other very often anymore, you know they’ll be there for you through good and bad. For that privilege I’m forever thankful, because these are the people who help me stay grounded and sane when my world spins out of control.

I’ve been blessed with parents who nurtured me; supported me even through less-than-ideal decisions; and who still encourage me to make bolder choices, to step out of my comfort zone and make a splash in this big ol’ world. Grazie. I don’t have words adequate to telling you how much you mean to me.

And on that note, having brought myself back to a more positive state of mind, I’ll say adieu.

April 4, 2012

Change Is What You Make of It

Change is a constant in our lives. We grow older; we change our jobs, our place of residence, what we like to eat, the technology we use and how we use it…the list goes on. Change is sexy, bewildering, scary, exciting, costly and invigorating, all at the same time–and it’s often the most difficult aspect of our lives to deal with, putting us through some of the worst angst-ridden moments we’ve ever experienced.

Right now, my life is all about change. Some changes are ones I decided to make. Some changes were thrust upon me, whether I wanted them or not. Then there are the changes to the world I live in…the ones close at hand as well as the bigger, global picture.

There are things I’m learning (or re-learning) through this time of change. I’ll be the first to admit that not all of them are positive. That’s not to say that all of them are negative, either, although it often feels that way. For instance, I’m constantly being reminded that the mirror of self-reflection is usually much harsher than the lenses through which your friends and family view you. I’m also being reminded that there are plenty of bright spots in life, and I need to seize and enjoy them to their fullest.

The biggest, scariest and at the same time most liberating thing I’ve re-learned from these experiences is that change itself is a catalyst. I can take it as a challenge to make improvements, or see it as an obstacle. I can choose to do nothing at all and get swept away by the actions and opinions of others. I can use it to reinvent myself, or at least my perceptions and behaviors. What I make of it, the lessons I choose to learn from it, are entirely up to me.

So bring it on, change. You may scare the crap out of me…and I may have to lie doggo long enough to catch my breath after some of the body blows you’re dealing out…but I refuse to back down from you.

March 28, 2012

Musings on Life, Habits and Censorship

I’ve been racking my brain for a way to write about censorship ever since Emily announced it as the theme for the Brave Little Blogger Contest she’s running over on Suess’s Pieces (#BLBC12 on Twitter). It’s not that I don’t have opinions about the matter; it’s that I couldn’t nail down an aspect of it that I wanted to tackle in writing. Until tonight, that is.

It occurred to me as I was sitting here thinking about the uncomfortable, painful and otherwise upsetting stuff going on in my life right now that I’ve been censoring myself in what I say and do. Very heavily, in fact, in an effort to keep from making said uncomfortable, painful and upsetting stuff even worse. For example, when it comes to discussing certain “hot” issues about the situation, I’m picking and choosing my words, tone of voice—and even times of day—very carefully, in a method that’s calculated to be the least inflammatory for all parties involved. I’m doing this in spite of my unruly emotions and true thoughts on the matter (which, incidentally, frequently rival those portrayed on almost any TV show you care to name). And as I started to explore this notion of self-censorship a little further, I realized that we’re taught from our earliest ages to censor ourselves at all times.

“Uh, what? Are you out of your mind??”

No, I’m not out of my mind. Or at least no further out of it than usual 😉 Go beyond the instinctive knee-jerk reaction and think about it. Maybe these phrases ring a bell: “Mind your manners.” “You can’t say that.” “Be polite.” “No running or jumping.” “Hide what you’re feeling so others can’t use it against you.” “Keep all public displays of affection clean and tasteful.” Sound familiar? They’re all things we’re taught and constantly reminded to do from birth until death, couched as instructions for proper behavior within society—and every last one of them is censorship masquerading as polite behavior. They become deeply ingrained habits; most of us don’t even realize we’re practicing a subtle form of censorship when we continue that behavior day after day.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t understand the reasons for this type of censorship to be in use. I do, and in large part agree that we need some filters to keep us coexisting at least semi-peacefully. Let’s face it: without these “rules for polite society” we’d probably all be dead and the cockroaches would be ruling the planet, since we humans don’t play well with each other. But other interesting questions arise from that train of thought: how much censorship is too much? Who decides? And what if we disagree?

Makes you think, doesn’t it?

February 12, 2012

Sh*t Happens in life. Deal.

Life often changes in a hurry. That ‘s certainly been the case for me in the past couple of weeks. There’s been a lot going on…some good, some bad, some really painful…and I’m still absorbing the hits and trying to sort it all out. For the moment, I’m simply putting one metaphorical foot in front of the other; a “just take the next single step” mantra.

Will I get through these changes? Ultimately yes; I’ve developed too much stubborn willpower not to. Is it going to change who I am as a person and how I go about living my life? Most likely. After all, that’s part of living, and the lessons learned from doing so. The things that matter most (as I constantly remind myself) are that I keep believing in myself and my abilities, and that I hold true to the things I believe in. Things like Friendship. Compassion. Love. Honesty. Integrity. A sense of self-worth, without being arrogant and overbearing.

The one constant in life is that it changes. It’s up to you to make the best of it.

Photo credit: Glitter Graphics

February 1, 2012

Simple Mistakes…Aren’t Always Simple

I was cruising through one of my social media feeds the other day, and encountered a situation caused by a couple of well-intentioned people making simple mistakes. No big deal, right? We make them all the time.

Um, yeah…as it turned out, VERY big deal. Here’s the scenario:

Person A, Person B, Person C and Person D are having a conversation in a closed social media group. Person A asks what time doors open/what events held where for a particular event, not realizing that Person E already provided this information in a separate post to the group. Person C suggests that Person D might want to remove Person A’s comment, as the question has already been answered. Thinking that this makes sense and will cause less confusion, Person D goes ahead and removes Person A’s comment. Person A gets completely pissed off and blasts back with an “I can’t believe you censored me for that question” response for all to see. Explanations and apologies are posted for all eyes by Persons B, C and D, but the damage is already done, and the consequences are still unfolding.

In fairness, none of the people in this story are experienced community managers; they also don’t know the best practices. However, the mistakes they made could’ve been easily avoided with just a little bit more thought to the possible consequences.

While it might seem logical to remove a question that’s already been answered from the comment feed, it doesn’t take into account that the person asking it might not have seen the other post; especially since it wasn’t within the comment thread where they asked their question. Then there’s the little matter of whether its removal is likely to open a can of worms that no one wants to deal with.

Here’s the “best practices” nutshell version. Unless it’s spam or in violation of the group’s policies, it’s seldom a good idea to remove a comment or post. It’s better to just leave it up there. Why? Here are some of the easy reasons: You’re less likely to piss people off. Your actions probably won’t require apologies or have unintended consequences…which can get bigger and last much longer than you’d think. There are fewer hard feelings to tiptoe around, which means better group interaction. And for an extra bonus? Other group members often take it upon themselves to deal with the repeated/annoying/”what were you thinking?!?” questions and issues for you.

So..the next time you’re tempted to just delete a comment/question/post that’s annoying you (for whatever reason), think before you do. Because simple mistakes aren’t always so simple, especially in social media.

Have any “war stories” you want to share? Feel free to leave them in the Comments section!

Photo credit: David Castillo Dominici

January 27, 2012

“Duck Season!” “Rabbit Season!”

“Why can’t we all just get along?”
If we each had a nickel for every time we’ve asked or heard this question, no doubt we’d all have much healthier bank accounts!

Flippancy aside, if you really want to know the answer to this question, look at your reactions when you encounter people and events that make you ask it. What are your emotions? What are your physical responses? Because I’m willing to bet that at the heart of those reactions is fear.

Yes, I said fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of something “different.” Fear of failing to measure up. Fear of not being accepted. Fear, in all its many insidious forms.

So what can you do to conquer your fear? The biggest thing you can do is recognize what’s prompting your “fear” reaction and then take steps to change it. How you choose to do this is completely up to you. The methods are many, and vary as widely (and wildly) as the outfits you see people wearing every day. But whichever method you choose, face your fear long enough to break down the knee-jerk response into something more rational and considered. In a legitimate threat situation that knee-jerk response is often what’s needed – after all, we want our fight-or-flight instincts to come to our rescue! But for other things – like bullying and prejudice, to name just two – take some time to really think about why you’re reacting the way you are. Face it. Dissect it. Own up to it. Then change it.

Photo credit: pantslady

January 5, 2012December 16, 2024

New Beginnings

As I set up this brand-spanking-new blog and start generating its first post, the question in my mind isn’t “where to start,” it’s a reiteration to myself of the words I chose for My 3 Words for 2012: Believe. Dare. Do.

If you’ve made it to my About page already, or you read my 2011 guest post on Brass Tack Thinking, then you probably have an idea of why I chose the three words I did. Yes, they’re intensely personal and deal with some issues I have, along with being gentle reminders about some core values and treating others decently. No, I’m not saying you have to adopt the same three (or even that you’d define them the same way). But for me, they’re a reminder of a promise I made to myself of the direction I want my life to head in as I move forward.

Believe.
I’m working to instill a greater belief in myself – my skills, capabilities and self-esteem – and that I can do the things I want to do with my life. Yes, it’s sometimes an uphill battle but each step forward is a victory over that internal voice of fear that says “I can’t” or “what if I fail.”

Dare.
I’m pushing myself to try new things, step out of my comfort zone, and share more of “me” with others. Publicly, without expectation of return, and without panicking (okay, maybe not that last one…yet). I may decide that some of the things I try just aren’t for me in the long run, but at least I will have tested the waters, so to speak, and made a conscious choice about them.

Do.
I’ve committed to learn more, to grow both personally and professionally, to share lessons learned and experiences (good and bad), to act where my training, conscience and ethics tell me I should, and to be kinder to myself and others. And let me tell you, being kinder to myself is the hardest one on this list!

It’ll be interesting to see where my three words lead me in 2012. Hopefully it will be a time of (mostly) wondrous discovery and fun. And whether you chose resolutions, three words, or nothing at all, I hope 2012 brings all of us health, enjoyment, peace and prosperity.

Photo credit: Daily Cool Pics